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Friday, March 5, 2021

TGIF!!! What a strange concept, really, since we're celebrating a day that most of us are still working. Yes, it's the last day of the work week, for most of us, but...it's still a work day! Now, Friday is my short day at work. Three consecutive Fridays I work 8:00am-3:30pm, the next two Fridays I work 9:30am-5:00pm. Fridays tend to be a bit more relaxed due to 3/4 of our clinics closing at 12 noon. Some Fridays though can seem quite long. Today was one of those Fridays, and it's my 8-3:30 day. To begin with, the phone was ringing off the hook this morning, so it was a sprint trying to keep up with all the calls forming in the queue and waiting until those clocking in at 9:30 would arrive. Even after 9:30, the day continued being the longest short day ever! Short tempers, angry folks, and frustrations run amok! You'd think people would realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, but sadly, many do not realize that and they think if they call at 3:00pm to a clinic that closed at noon, on a Friday, that they will get whatever it is they're calling to ask for within an hour. Things don't work that way, folks!

But, moving away from work-related bullshit, I turn to my fur-baby. Once again, Max hasn't felt good today. He's been mostly laying in his little bed near me, occasionally snoring. I'm sorry to say I'm at the point where I just don't know what would be best for him right now. He totally hates having to take the gabapentin, and he hates having to take the pills. I can't stop giving him any of it, especially the gabapentin because I don't want him to be in pain...but while I'm trying to give him a high quality of life, I'm falling short by having to force him to take these things he doesn't want to take. I want to keep my baby with me as long as possible, but I don't want his life to be miserable. I try to weigh my options and I wonder if it wouldn't be kinder to him to go ahead and euthanize him. I had to euthanize my cat, Maverick, almost 5 years ago, and I waited until the last minute to do that, out of my own selfishness. I really should have had Maverick put down a month or two sooner than I did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And am I being selfish here too, by wanting to keep Max with me as long as I possibly can? He gives me such horrid looks after I've forced the liquid gabapentin down him, or after I make him take any of the three pills he takes each day. Am I just prolonging his agony by keeping him here on earth? How do you know, really, when it's time to make that decision and send him to the Rainbow Bridge (such a cutesy name we give it). I refuse to make a rash decision though, and have no intention of Max going before his time either. It's just one of those things where the right decision is so hard to discern. And this is not a decision to be made lightly. I definitely will be praying on it.

Maggie, my calico cat, has been yearning for me to sit in the living room recliner so she can lay on my lap. It's one of her favorite things to do, even though she hates to be picked up and/or cuddled. I tell her she has a mental problem and she just smiles at me with her eyes and mrows. One of her other favorite things to do is to try and trip me when I'm walking through the house. At almost 54 years of age, I am definitely at my clumsiest in this life, and it doesn't help when your cat is trying to kill you, even if she doesn't think she is.

I also today made a decision to talk to my doctor about possibly giving Klonopin (clonazepam) a try. As stated, I got off work at 3:30 this afternoon, and I had made an appointment to see my doctor in Purvis (about a 15-20 minute drive normally) at 4:00. Traffic was hell on the way down there, and it took me a full 30 minutes to arrive. So after I had gotten there, I spent some time at the front window ironing out a few things, and then I was taken back to the exam room around 4:30ish. I have my interview with the nurse and then I sit tight and wait for the doctor to come in. After a few minutes, another nurse comes in to let me know the doctor had an emergency and had to leave. Well, these things happen, but it was kind of disheartening to have gone through all that trouble getting there only to have to go back home without doing what I'd gone there for. But I made an appt for next Thursday afternoon, so we'll see how that goes. I'm not sure I really want to take it, but thought I'd give it a try and see if it helps any. My three big issues are: 1) Insomnia. Right now I take 2 diphenhydramine (basically benedryl) and a trazodone to fall asleep. They usually work rather well to make me fall asleep, but they suck donkey balls at keeping me asleep. So I figured I'd give the clonazepam a try for that. 2) Anxiety. I tend to have some anxiety, not a huge amount and not on a regular basis, but for the last week (ever since learning about Max's liver disease), my anxiety has been pretty much through the roof. 3) Anger issues. I'm slow to anger, but I do tend to have anger issues on occasion, and when I do, it's not pretty. When that anger raises it's ugly head, it's usually in the form of rage of some degree, and I don't like being in a rage. It's not natural for me. So, I'm hoping that the clonazepam (if I do decide to try it) might help out on all three issues.

One really happy thing happened today lol. A Russian model I follow, David Lurs, posted a really awesome image of a recent photoshoot. David Lurs is one of those rare men whose beauty just transcends everything and leaves you feeling just so sublime and warm all over. It's a nudie that, while definitely not safe for work, doesn't expose anything too private. I'll post that picture at the bottom of this page, along with a selfie I took not 3 minutes ago. Enjoy!

George